so im here at the computer, where i find myself so often. i find it easier to sit in front of a computer typing than talking out loud at this point so this is what i do. i drink and type.
lately ive been thinking. maybe too much, maybe too little. i havent decided yet. and when i think, i think about my friends, my family, my life, and what i wanna do with it. and to be honest i dont know what i wanna do. im too lazy to do anything in school. im pretty much failing due to my lack of attention and ultimately my lack of care and drive to do well. i look at my friends and i wonder what their really thinking and why they wont tell me. i wonder why i cant tell them how i really feel. maybe its because im afraid of what people would think of me if they really knew me. but then, i just assume everyone has this problem. if that is my defense strategy, i dont know. also lately ive been having trouble sleeping, and when i do sleep i dont wanna wake up. and i mean for good. every morning i wish i was dead, just to stay asleep and away from everything. not that i have it bad, i just dont want to deal with daily life anymore.
and i want this school year to be over. i want it to be june 19th so i can go see trio and school will be done and i wont have to do shit involving tc. but i dont want my friends that are seniors to graduate and go off to college and leave me. shit, i dont want my junior friends to be seniors and eventually leave me.
but i guess thats how it goes right? one day all this will be old. school, tc, everything.
