Calling All Skeletons (May 25, 2008 - Sunday)

i definitely need a break.
i went to the zoo today. saw some cool animals, drank some awesome lemonade, and came home to find out a close family friend had died. i was so fuckin shocked. i thought he had longer...
we'd been visiting him over the past few months since his cancer worsened. i remember sitting at the foot of his bed and i didnt know what to do. theres someone dying on a bed in front of you and you just dont know what to do. people expect you to say something. but what am i gonna say? i wish this wasn't happening? i wish i could believe theres more life after death? i wish love and hope can save someone? it cant obviously since he died today. and it got me to thinking, where is he now? is he just done and over? or what? i dont believe in god. i dont believe in heaven. i believe in earth, but how can i believe in heaven when theres no proof?
i think theres a point in life where you stop believing what your parents tell you about religion. i reached that point a while ago, but never told anyone of course. i remember a long time ago asking my grandpa something along the lines of: "what if there is no god?" and he took it the wrong way and said something like: "of course there is. there is no question about it." its wonderful that my grampy has this belief, and sometimes i wish i did. i really wanted an explanation but later regretted asking him. i mean, my grandpa is the best man ever and is a genius. but i cant go along with the christian stuff.

i just hope that things dont suck to bad after you die, if that hell stuff is real.
meh....my brain hurts.