The Fallen Angels Flown Away (January 13, 2008 - Sunday)

And that'll be me someday With stolen wings and evil ways

i hope its not to soon to give up. damnit i dont know. lately ive been so fuckin distant im not sure whats going on. all i know right now is those fuckin lyrics in my head that never stop. its these songs that get them out. i cant even describe things like they do. i have these friends, if you will call them out, and they're there right? but i dont think their really there. lovely right? and the invisible man in the corner that supposedly dries my eyes and shit. hes not there. he never was. and nobody sees that it was all a lie. and it'll come back every once in a while. that feeling of commitment and a transparent connection that will occasionally become opaque and i'll cry and wish things were different. the sad thing is i havent realized yet that crying and wishing he was here doesnt make him appear out of thin air. it doesn't undo what he did and make things ok. nothing can do that, as ive already found out. and i think lying about everything just makes it that much worse. it makes me so goddamn fake to myself. and i know he says the same to others. ive fuckin read it. in and out of the "relationship" ive read the shit. ive become immune to the poison but i still slightly feel the cut. its a fuckin hit across the skull that im totally blind to. hit so hard across the skull it buckled my legs

the worst part is im the exact antagonist and bitch figure that burdoned me in the summer. im the evil i hated so much with a passion and swore to kill. does that make suicide? suicide is not art. im the social suicide that killed me months ago.