Thursday, July 24, 2008
Fucked Up Shit
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
You'll Be Just Fine
Like Hilary Duff, Raven, Zak Efron, or Miley Cyrus. whats so great about them? They're tools. Disney uses them to make millions on product sales. Their just profit whores if you ask me.
So you dont eat meat? (July 4, 2008 - Friday)
HAHAHA!!! this is a message i just got from someone on youtube. i thought id share this with everyone.
Girls, I swear they are hot but i dont know sometimes i just have problems with them"
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!!!!! i seriously died when i read that. how stupid and ignorant can people be?
here was my response:
do some research. animals feel pain, just as any other living being does. they die painful deaths in factory farms. they die painful deaths by being skinned alive for "fashion."
what are you, 10? before you reply to me, if you even choose to, do some research. people like you are why this torture is still apart of making animals into "food." everything you said in your message is completely idealistic and wrong. that sounds like some fairy tale your parents told you in order to get you to eat meat. thats not how it happens, and you should know that. EDUCATE YOURSELF AND STOP SPREADING IGNORANCE.
Over And Out (July 1, 2008 - Tuesday)
Well, ive had some deep arguments about gay rights in my life but none quite as crazy as this one. I am not gay/lesbian/bi. but i have many friends that are homosexual or bisexual and i wouldnt change them for the world.
i had a nice long conversation with a man named MICHAEL BURR. heres how it went:
at 8:25pm on June 26th, 2008
ONE: IF GOD CREATED MAN EQUAL, WHY IS IT WRONG TO BE GAY?
DOESNT YOU GOD SAY HE LOVES EVERYONE THE SAME?
you are a ignorant fuck. you are contradicting yourself. why the hell do you hate gay people? is it wrong to be gay? are gay people hindering your 'jesus is everything' lifestyle? how about you get yoour head out of your ass and smell reality. GAY PEOPLE ARE PEOPLE. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT.
do you think beyond the print in the bible? have you ever stopped to think for yourself? question the bible? TRY IT. i went to christian school for 13 years. hell, my name is christi. but that wasnt my choice. ive grown up in a christian family, BUT i thought for myself.
i am a member of Satan Youth. satanists are athiests (bet you didnt know that did you Mr. follower?)
your god is a lie. fuck religion. EXPLAIN TO ME, PLEASE, HOW GAY PEOPLE ARE BAD OR WRONG. I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR YOUR EXPLANATION.
at 9:10pm on June 26th, 2008
at 9:20pm on June 26th, 2008
and we're not all striving to do his will and im definitely not his child. and its against your will to hate? WOW THATS LAME. sorry to sound like an asshole, but its human nature to hate. if someone comes into your house and kills your cat, do you love them?
PEOPLE ARE HOMOSEXUAL AND THAT IS NOT WRONG. ITS HOW THEY ARE. DOES GOD LOVE GAY PEOPLE, OR DOES HE HATE THEM? oh, but isnt hate against his religion? your god is a bit arrogant if you ask me. making up all these rules for me, but not following them himself.
explain that to me. does god want the gay people dead? does he want them to go away? that doesnt sound like love to me michael...
please, elaborate. because all my years of this bullshit being fed to me has not explained this. you are what people like me call "extremists" and boy are you in for disappointment when you die.
sorry, but theres nothing up there.
and do you love terrorists murderers and rapists? because hate is against your religion? and do you believe in the death penalty against the said offenders, or is that killing against your religion?
at 2:27am
you are a sick and hateful human being and i dont think your 'god' would approve.
you strike me as the kind of person who regurgitates the bible to people, yet lives otherwise.
GAY PEOPLE ARE PEOPLE. THEY ARE NO BETTER NOR WORSE THAN ANYONE ELSE. YOU AS A CHRISTIAN "DO GOODER" SHOULD REALIZE THIS. YOUR HATRED FOR GAYS BRINGS A BAD REP TO YOUR FELLOW CHRISTIANS.
IMAGINE IF YOU WERE OPPRESSED FOR BEING STRAIGHT. OR FOR BEING CHRISTIAN. I BET YOU WERENT ALIVE FOR THE CIVIL RIGHTS MOVEMENT SO YOU DONT KNOW WHAT IT WAS LIKE THEN.
THINK BEFORE YOU ACT YOU SICK TWISTED ASSHOLE.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wi..ki/Hate_group
WE ARE ALL PEOPLE, NO MATTER THE SEXUAL ORIENTATION, RACE, RELIGION, OR GENDER. YOU DO NOT LIVE BY WHAT YOU PREACH.
Well, he never responded to me. ive grown up in a christian family in christian schools with church on most sundays for about 9 years. this easter was the first easter that i did not attend church. and boy was that a good decision. why? because i slept late. im NOT waking up at 8 to be fed the same shit that that ive been getting for 15 years. i even think my parents have been catching on to me not believing. they even crack jokes at it, which scares me because i would think theyd be VERY angry. i mean, they think i believe in god, but what they dont know is i DONT.
No One Wants To Love (June 30, 2008 - Monday)
we had a successful BP AIM chat today, which was a crapload of fun. everything looks good so far. im going to delaware in two weeks and i might see trio before then.
well, just posting for the sake of posting.
Those Trusty Chords Could Pull Me Through (June 20, 2008 - Friday)
i was at the front of the bar in the mid-right in front of danny!!
it was way loud but we couldnt really hear matt or his guitar (but the people in the balcony could...) but it was amazing nonetheless. im so sore right now. and there was a huge fight and some guy got kicked out. then this kid started crowdsurfing, which is banned in the venue, and, while the bouncer was carrying the kid away, Matt gave him a high five and a pick and brought him up on stage. AMAZING!
and derek smiled at me. w00t.
i was amazed at how good they looked. my mom thinks danny is sexy. but mr. skibers looked vicious. best. night. ever.
BUT THEY DITCHED THE FUCKIN MEET AND GREET!
oh! and matt kept on messing up, especially during Old School Reasons, and he was like "What am i doing!?!?!?!? AHHHHH!!!!" and he was holding his head and screaming. it was great. and he also said something about finding god, but i couldnt hear him well, only a few words, but i think he said Derek was god?
Still Screaming In My Ear (June 5, 2008 - Thursday)
ive been ranting in my head again.
Something ive been thinking about more than usual is the subject of animal rights.
There is this one lady at my school, a teacher i see everyday. during winter she walked about school in a fur coat. I, for one, think people should be scared to exit their homes wearing a fur coat, in fear that someone (of course not me....) will fucking rip their lungs out.
How fur (and meat) is still legal is beyond me. But the only way to change things is to educate other people about it. To protest it. To shove the truth about animal torture down people's throats and into their ears. Because when people ignore torture, it wont stop. If you do nothing about something, nothing will ever stop. If you let animal cruelty continue, it will never stop.
I dont get how or why someone would want to wear a fur coat. Its meant for an animal, not a person. Why cant people just be comfortable in their own skin instead of the skin of a slaughtered animal?
People need to start thinking.
Calling All Skeletons (May 25, 2008 - Sunday)
i definitely need a break.
i went to the zoo today. saw some cool animals, drank some awesome lemonade, and came home to find out a close family friend had died. i was so fuckin shocked. i thought he had longer...
we'd been visiting him over the past few months since his cancer worsened. i remember sitting at the foot of his bed and i didnt know what to do. theres someone dying on a bed in front of you and you just dont know what to do. people expect you to say something. but what am i gonna say? i wish this wasn't happening? i wish i could believe theres more life after death? i wish love and hope can save someone? it cant obviously since he died today. and it got me to thinking, where is he now? is he just done and over? or what? i dont believe in god. i dont believe in heaven. i believe in earth, but how can i believe in heaven when theres no proof?
i think theres a point in life where you stop believing what your parents tell you about religion. i reached that point a while ago, but never told anyone of course. i remember a long time ago asking my grandpa something along the lines of: "what if there is no god?" and he took it the wrong way and said something like: "of course there is. there is no question about it." its wonderful that my grampy has this belief, and sometimes i wish i did. i really wanted an explanation but later regretted asking him. i mean, my grandpa is the best man ever and is a genius. but i cant go along with the christian stuff.
i just hope that things dont suck to bad after you die, if that hell stuff is real.
meh....my brain hurts.
Sleeping Is My 9 to 5 (May 4, 2008 - Sunday)
lately ive been thinking. maybe too much, maybe too little. i havent decided yet. and when i think, i think about my friends, my family, my life, and what i wanna do with it. and to be honest i dont know what i wanna do. im too lazy to do anything in school. im pretty much failing due to my lack of attention and ultimately my lack of care and drive to do well. i look at my friends and i wonder what their really thinking and why they wont tell me. i wonder why i cant tell them how i really feel. maybe its because im afraid of what people would think of me if they really knew me. but then, i just assume everyone has this problem. if that is my defense strategy, i dont know. also lately ive been having trouble sleeping, and when i do sleep i dont wanna wake up. and i mean for good. every morning i wish i was dead, just to stay asleep and away from everything. not that i have it bad, i just dont want to deal with daily life anymore.
and i want this school year to be over. i want it to be june 19th so i can go see trio and school will be done and i wont have to do shit involving tc. but i dont want my friends that are seniors to graduate and go off to college and leave me. shit, i dont want my junior friends to be seniors and eventually leave me.
but i guess thats how it goes right? one day all this will be old. school, tc, everything.
We Need A Fresh and New Religion To Run Our Lives (April 29, 2008 - Tuesday)
As above is below- NOTHING.
Drunk Mouth (April 16, 2008 - Wednesday)
ive written about this before, but ill rant while this is fresh in my mind. there are these small minded self centered people who insist on being assholes and playing up this fake act. maybe they dont realize people see straight through them? maybe they dont see how fake and sketchy they are? if they dont see it they are blind as shit. people who associate goth with emo with punk with rock with skate with all these various 'labels.' such a fourth grade subject, i know. but ill have to rant about it until people cut the shit.
one: fall out boy, good charlotte, simple plan, panic!, and paramore are NOT and in NO way punk or punk rock bands. i mean, the present day AP profile of punk music blends them with Rancid and the even earlier pioneers of the real punk music from the 70's and 80's. and, yeah, Warped Tour calls itself a punk rock tour with bands like the ones i listed, but i wouldnt consider them punk rock. i use punk rock wisely now, unlike in 6th grade when anything i heard with a guitar was punk rock. i would call warped tour and the warped following/crowd/scene a punk community. a lot of the bands, in fact most of the bands now called punk rock were influenced and driven by the actual movement leaders of punk. i mean, i honestly dont know or care about this label shit. i mean, i did a few reports/papers on the history of punk and the punk movement but im in no way a historian. ive read the books and watched the movies, but i know what has been regurgitated to me and thats all. ive read and heard it from Iggy himself. but the question still remains: is it kosher to call the present day punk inspired rock music punk? i say no. the rock media says yes. fuse says yes. AP says yes. MTV says ofcourse.
still, i say no.
so please self proclaimed "emo kid" stop your whining and self pity! stop calling your music punk.
for all i care, stop breathing
Good Fucking Bye (April 16, 2008 - Wednesday)
I'm tired of being bored. I'm through with the headaches.
I was just thinking today about people. their nature and pride. battling for the ever so inviting place as 'top dog' or whatever. i was just thinking about the shit people do to each other, and how they hurt each other. and i really dont understand it. i mean, theres people i hate and i love to physically and emotionally wreck, but i dont. what i dont get is when people do it out of pure coldness. just for the sake of being an asshole. this is something i will never fathom, and ill take that as a blessing.
for my next act:
sometimes i wish these friends in my life would fade away. ive had it happen so many times and i guess i can deal with it again. i think of my life before and after certain people and weigh the gains and losses. maybe i have too much time on my hands? luckily, i dont post the pages of this shit i have written. GAIN-one more friend to talk to. LOSS-one more person to have to listen to. GAIN- one more person to fight with. LOSS-one more person to fight with. Do you see a pattern? hmmm...maybe i love controversy. or maybe controversy loves me. well, at least theres a mutual exchange going on there for once. score 1 for team christi!
im looking out the window right now and its pitch black. theres some plane flying by and for some reason i wish i was on it. going somewhere far away like hawaii or california or some cliche getaway. give this week or even day some meaning or goal: to go somewhere. to be somewhere. to be with someone. shit i dont even know if im gonna wake up tomorrow. what if all of a sudden i stoped breathing. how would my friends find out? what would my family do. i think ive said "hail satan" too many times to go to heaven... and i think ive insulted the pope too many times for purgatory. they'd send me straight to hell. i think my mind is running away again. suppose its on a plane or something. trying to be somewhere, anywhere but here.
i think my mind is in a permanent stage of distress, crying out even when everythings alright. maybe even preparing itself for complete implosion.
ive been dreaming about decay for the past while. decay and its lovely partner. the partner who i can taste. i wish this feeling, this cloud would just leave me. i close my eyes and i see it. and i wish it would just take me instead.
GO HERE NOW!
My Deviantart
The Art Of Growing Up (April 4, 2008 - Friday)
i mean shit, practice on banannas or something.
I Know That You Wish I Was Dead (March 30, 2008 - Sunday)
so, theres a lot of drama. i say: predictable. but thats not the point. i has a quite nice day, all things annoying aside. i had a nice trip here and there, didnt get hurt or killed which is a plus. found some nice food. met someone i hope will make things better. but one thing that brings everything down is this: people.
there are people who do things for attention and there are people who do things for their own personal gratification. then there are people who do things for both these reasons. to some extent this can be fine, but when the attention reason outweighs the personal reason things start to get sketchy. ONE: I do not need a boy or any kind of male attention to be happy. In fact, i feel being the center of direct attention is scary. TWO: I spelled TWO wrong so many times trying to type it. THREE: People who need male attention constantly have mental issues. FOUR: People who are so forgiving are hurting themselves, and no one else. For most things, forgiveness is a must. Holding these hostile grudges for too long can wear some one out. But denying and choosing to ignore things is even more wrong. FIVE: People who are OPENLY hypocritical and dont acknowledge it or arent called out on it. Ive been expierencing this way too often lately. Im definetly not saying im not hypocritical. i know i can be, and its very hard not to be. but when people complain about one thing, then go and do the exact same thing is just fuckin annoying. and when you are a front row seat witness to it, it pisses you off. it possibly makes me me suicidal. but when you try to descretely call people out on it, and they dont take the hint, IT MAKES IT WORSE! So what im gonna do ISSSSS.....IM SERIOUSLY CALLING BULLSHIT WHEN I SEE IT FLYING. Im so goddamn sick of it. i dont want to be one of those bitches that questions and fucks with everyone but if thats what it takes then im a bitch. theres a confession. but im done with this. all of this shit thats going on. im not putting up with it. Call this my final coffin nail.
So if your an official bullshitter, watch out.
You're Dead (March 16, 2008 - Sunday)
so im pretty much done with these so called friends. for all i care they can go drop off the goddamn earth. i have the people that i know care about me. then theres those bitches that pretend to be loyal and honest, but theyre actually fake wanna be whores. pretend to be there one second, and are behind my fuckin back the next. so forget my name. dont think ill ever trust you...ever. so thank you for showing me that. i saw it before, and of course ignored it but now i know.
so thanks for lying. thanks for sneaking. and thanks for nothing.
go fuck yourself.
SEND HELP
other than those people, i love my real friends. thanx for sticking around for me.
Back To Hell (March 19, 2008 - Wednesday)
i just wanna say something. FORGET ABOUT IT. ive tried to keep it there, put it on fuckin life support but its no use anymore. the complaining and depressions you frequent get old fast. the overdramatic and pathetic lines you repeat expecting sympathy from me and pretty much everyone else around you are useless. you make a mountain out of a fuckin pothole. just face it: you cant hold a relationship for your life. the duct tape was me, grasping out at straws and trying to make some sense out of whatever we had. back and forth got so tiring after a while. and the nights of listening to songs that remind me of you got very boring. trying to relive it the ’good times’ also got boring, because i realized i was lying to myself and you were lying to me. about pretty much everything. so i think this is me calling this war over.
so fighting with myself about it is over. telling myself its not over is over. telling everyone else its not over is over. its just over.
to brighten up this, heres a little something i made for my nikipoo:
The resembelence is uncanny
Its The Truth Kids
Wait For The Blackout (February 23, 2008 - Saturday)
it gets so pathetic after a while when people bitch on and on about these stereotypes.
everythings been done before, so your not drifting from the norm.
nobody is.
if people wanna be 'scene' then let them be scene.
its not hurting you.
'above all, i probably look trendy,though, i'm really, really not.
and i'm not steriotyping people, but please.
grow some originality.' -that is so contraditory.
your complaining about yourself. how about YOU grow some originality."
---------------
that was an infuriated and alcohol induced rant i posted on peta2.com. the double quotes is what i said and the single quotes is what some kid said.
what also pisses me off is these kids who think that just because they buy these 'punk' clothes from hot topic and they listen to simple plan and paramore then they are actually punk. that makes me cry. dont get me wrong, i love paramore's first CD and a few songs on the new one, but they arent punk.
im not one to say whats punk and whats not, but its obvious that real punk rock isnt played on the radio and isnt played on mtv. mtv is full of a bunch of industry run bands. when you start paying a company 49% of your income, i think that rips the 'punk' label right off.
and as for the scene kids. im so fuckin sick of hearing the terms "scene hair" and "scene clothes" over and over again. NOBODY CARES ABOUT YOUR GODDAMN SCENE HAIR! you arent stylish. you arent unique. your just another fuckin MTV fueled trend slut and that will never change until you get a job in a fuckin government office. you know im not pc. you know im not a 'hater' or a 'basher' but i look at the big picture. what does it do for you, sitting on your sneer disguised label. its a cushion for you. a private party of scenesters where you have to have the right hair and clothes and shit to get in. what does it matter? yeah, i dress a certain way, but i dont follow a code. i dont put my hair up all shitty into a 'look' to please myself and all the male sceneys around. i straighten it to get it out of my face. i dont spend hours putting on crazy 'unique' eyeshadows in random pastel colors to look different from others and attract attention to myself. i dont desperately try to be the center off attention and pretty much everything else just for my own self gratification. its all about making yourself better than other people isnt it? the 'emo' thing is a joke. yeah, the guys are fuckin hot but theres something pathetic about it. sensitive gets too sensitive and i start questioning sexuality. (and there is absolutely nothing wrong with homosexuality) but when people who are insecure about themselves, and try to make up for that in other ways, it makes them look more weak. and frankly it makes me utterly sick.
now to my next rant. im sure nobody has read this and if they have im sure they havent made it this far down.
SLUTS. we all see them. we all know them. hell, were best buddies with them. but theres a difference. there are the girls that are sluts. and the girls that think their sluts. the ones that are sluts usually get guys just based on sex. i always thought those slutty girls were the pretty blondes that act all permiscuiously innocent. but ive found lately that they arent exactly the only sluts. the real sluts are the girls that had sex once and after that felt the impowerment and thought that they could use sex to their advantage, to get guys to want them, once again for their own self aggrandizing glory. what they dont seem to realize (and i really dont see how they dont realize this) is that guys dont like them. in fact, the guys prolly think their ugly. but hey, their legs are open and theres nothing else around. and then when the guy gets what he wants, he takes off and leaves the girl wondering why. i find it hilarious because ive seen it happen again and again. its like a soap opera or something.
then theres the really sad cases when the girl actually loves the guy but hes just in it for fun. and after he dumps her like a pile of shit, she starts whoring herself out to other guys, trying to fill the gap and make herself feel wanted again. i emphasize feel because all they were wanted for was sex, nothing else. not personality or love.and its an endless chain. it will happen again and again.
at least im not one of those people
Go Wait In The Car (February 17, 2008 - Sunday)
thanx for the heads up before you dropped me like a sack of shit. thanx for sweeping me off me feet and then putting the gun point blank to my head. thanx for making me believe love was real, then proving me wrong once again. thanx for making me take up that habit again. thanx for all those loveydovey text messages and phone calls. thanx for all those empty words and subtle i love yous, but ofcourse you made me look and feel like an idiot when i said it first. thanx for proving my friends right. thanx for making me look like a loser to all the people that hate me. thanks for hurting me beyond belief.
oh, and thanks for making those 3 weeks the best 3 weeks of my life.
Final Coffin Nail (February 17, 2008 - Sunday)
so i see that you're still talking about me. its not much but it was 2 years ago. i try not to think about it. i try to pretend like it never happened, and i was with that someone else at the time. but i guess theres no denying it. we made a big mistake eddie. we should have stayed how we were and left it at that.
my coffin is in your basement. your fuckin trash basement where what id never saw was seen. at that moment i think i lost myself. it was a transition from what i was to what i am now. and it was too soon. i see now that there was no hidden meaning. no white rabbit. no ulterior motives. I guess it was right in front of me in black and white and red. you were all there, just you and the figment of your teenage imagination. you were driven by punk rock love songs. you actually believed that shit existed. i feel a little bad, looking back at the way i treated you. to some extent you deserved it eddie. you did. and theres no denying it. what you didnt deserve was how it happened. you didnt see it coming and thats the worst burn of it all. i know i havent said it but im sorry. and eddie i did love you for some time. and i wish i had you now, not as what we were later, but as what we were before. just two kids who trusted in each other and truely cared about each other. eddie, please tell me you remember.
My my what a mess weve made... (January 22, 2008 - Tuesday)
I fucked this one up long ago....
distant doesnt even begin to describe it. overdramatics in my head has no boundries. like a fuckin soap opera right now. everything is so useless and over stressed. i swore no goddamn drama. i avoided it and dodged it whenever i saw it coming and now im stuck in the middle of a goddamn murder scene. and i swear someones ripping out my insides slowly because shits just piling up. theres pretty much two, maybe 3 at the most, friends i can trust in. im trying to think of the third right now but no one comes to mind. dammit. oh well.
and these slutty bitches that jump back up at the thought of a male to love them. so fuckin annoying. yeah, im sure a guy wanting to use you is a great thought! and maybe im just cold since for me the feeling is never mutual, but all im saying is GET A GODDAMN LIFE! i would think you'd be smart enough to realize you dont need a guy to keep you happy. and im telling you something else. THIS ISNT A FUCKIN SCENE! satan forbid it will ever be. its a lifestyle you cunt! (oh yes. i said that word) its not a trend you follow to look good or to be like your friends and conform to non conformity or whatever. half these self proclaimed "punk" kids have no idea what their talking about. they look at punk as if it were just another scene. these same kids think fall out boy and MCR are punk. dont get me wrong. i have been listening to fall out boy longer than all of these overcast kids have been. they think anything with nasally vocals and an electric guitar is punk. yeah, in 6th grade i thought sorta the same thing. might i add, i was OBSESSED with linkin park in 5TH GRADE! everyday at my christian school id walk throught the playground with 'papercut' blaring in my headphones, scowling at the kids who laughed at me. you can ask anyone who knew me then, i was obsessed when linkin park was good. now they kinda...er...REALLY suck.
i dont know where i was going with that
back to the point. im sick of people who cant think for themselves. im sick of sluts and girls that need a guy to date. always. and they are miserble without a boyfriend.
you all are pathetic and make me sick
The Fallen Angels Flown Away (January 13, 2008 - Sunday)
And that'll be me someday With stolen wings and evil ways
i hope its not to soon to give up. damnit i dont know. lately ive been so fuckin distant im not sure whats going on. all i know right now is those fuckin lyrics in my head that never stop. its these songs that get them out. i cant even describe things like they do. i have these friends, if you will call them out, and they're there right? but i dont think their really there. lovely right? and the invisible man in the corner that supposedly dries my eyes and shit. hes not there. he never was. and nobody sees that it was all a lie. and it'll come back every once in a while. that feeling of commitment and a transparent connection that will occasionally become opaque and i'll cry and wish things were different. the sad thing is i havent realized yet that crying and wishing he was here doesnt make him appear out of thin air. it doesn't undo what he did and make things ok. nothing can do that, as ive already found out. and i think lying about everything just makes it that much worse. it makes me so goddamn fake to myself. and i know he says the same to others. ive fuckin read it. in and out of the "relationship" ive read the shit. ive become immune to the poison but i still slightly feel the cut. its a fuckin hit across the skull that im totally blind to. hit so hard across the skull it buckled my legs
the worst part is im the exact antagonist and bitch figure that burdoned me in the summer. im the evil i hated so much with a passion and swore to kill. does that make suicide? suicide is not art. im the social suicide that killed me months ago.
Stop (December 8, 2007 - Saturday)
and the fear. that fuckin paranoia fear that takes me over. it gets old. ill sit in this very spot stunned and speechless mouth wide open drooling all over the place. i just wont believe the shit thats just piling up. and it wont go away. honestly though. what friends. i have some people i trust. i wouldnt even call it trust with some of them but thats ill i have. i have many friends. people i used to confide in or thought i could trust. then i have the people i know im never gonna trust. and the shit that ive let go or just not mentioned? its always in the back of my mind. im not a very forgiving person...
and then there are people i THINK im close to and i THINK i can trust and then i find out otherwise. it sucks. even family. i just dont know. i always expect people to have a hidden adgenda and they usually do. i expect the worse only to be hit with the 'even worse.'
and my parents have asked me "why dont you aim higher scholasticaly?" and ive simply replied "so i dont disappoint myself." then im ofcourse attacked with the "dont try and be a victim" speech and i tune out 3 seconds into it. they are good people but i wonder about their motives sometimes. MY BEST INTEREST? i question it.
im just sick of everyone. not to mention hurt a little but that will go away sooner or later.
while im waiting for that im gonna go get fucked up.
night
The Sound Of Cattle Screaming (November 30, 2007 - Friday)
So this dumbass that started this shit is talking about how PETA is a profit based organization and all this stuff. heres a little piece of the insanity:
"This is a scary thought for me, i feel that we all will be telling stories to our grand kids and great grand kids about animals. Having to descibe what it was like to even pet a dog or a cat. Atleast several billion people will out of jobs and extra incomes and with all of their learned experience, turned worthless. Eating soy-based foods, because even eating animals for the purpose of food is now outlawed. When will they stop?"
PETA is not against having dogs and cats. They are against having pets like fish and reptiles and stuff (and as you know i have a million pets because i love them and take care of them) but this guy thats writing this shit is insane. He calls peta NAZI like but the only thing NAZI like is this fucker's eating habits.
And then lookie here at text i found on another idiots idea of a revolt against a revolution (go fuck yourself)
"I have a right to use animals wisely for my enjoyment and livelihood.
I also have a responsibility to ensure that, while not treating them as equals, I treat them fairly and with respect."
Hmmmm.... treating them fairly and with respect.... Im pretty sure murdering an animal and putting it on your dinner plate isn't respectful or fair in any way.
and again:
"The hunt, an experience every boy should be able to experience is under fire from P.E.T.A. as well as several other animal rights groups. It is being called murder, or legalized cruelty to animals. I do not agree with this viewpoint at all. Hunting is a basic survival trait for mankind. We have been hunting since we were cavemen. It is unatural to not hunt."
Go into a person's house and shoot them. You are called a homicidal insane freak. Go into the woods and shoot an animal. You are called human. Explain please because im obviously missing something.
'Basic survival trait' BASIC FUCKING SURVIVAL TRAIT?! THIS IS THE YEAR 20-FUCKIN-07 ABOUT TO BE 2008 AND HUNTING IS A SURVIVAL TRAIT?! ignorance. its fuckin ignorance.
"All boys over the age of 12 should be allowed to participate in at least one hunt to feel what their ancestors felt when harvesting natures bounty."
Its this idiot's utopia i assume... what bullshit. Yes! All boys should hunt to see what their goddamn caveman ancestors had to do to eat! Instead of walking down to their local Safeway and buying a pre-murdered rotting corpse of an animal, they should go out and slaughter another!! That totally makes sense to me now!
These idiots have their heads so far up their asses its a mystery how they haven't suffocated on their own shit.
For All My Friends Who Just Pretend (September 21, 2007 - Friday)
thats what i get for trusting people... it all kinda falls into place now and everything starts to make sense. all my friends are fake, everyone i thought i could trust is fake.they all just pretend day in and day out. their flat out lying to me. i guess now i realize my worth. pretty funny huh? it took me so long to see it. not that it hasnt been in the back of my mind, scraping at my eyes. but i never truly saw it until now.
im sick of secrets. im sick of fake people. im sick of having nobody to trust. if i just cut everyone out of my life things would be a lot better. im gonna become a fucking nun, minus the fucked up made up religion.ill just sit in a fuckin white room all day and stone my self to death.
and when i say i cant trust any of them i mean it. honestly, my top friends has some lying assholes that should be runover on it.
but hey, why am i complaining. who im friends with is my decesion right? if i wanna shed some dead skin it cant be too hard.
you can all go fuck yourselves.
Myspace wasn't good enough